Birthday Greetings to Former Locker Owners

Birthday greetings I would send to former locker owners whose addresses I get in the locker I buy.

Feel free to contribute.

"Remember, those photos you kept for 20 years? I have them"

"Nice thong, but the stretch marks are a turn off"

"You want to pay me HOW MUCH to return -your- stuff to you"

"Want to buy some amateur porn? I think you know the main characters."
"Got any naked pictures of your wife? I do!"

Dear Mr. Smith,

After sifting through boxes upon boxes of tools, I didn't think you'd be the type to be into big black rubber sex toys..



Dear Ms. Smith,

When you soil in your underwear, it's best to just throw them away.