So I decided to mess with my father in law tonight.

My Father in law is an old school ex-cop kind of guy. He's the kind the hates gay marriage, mixed marriages, welfare programs...well you get the idea. He's also a diehard Red Sox fan and I a NY Yankees fan. We've been busting balls over that since the day we met. So today he posts a sectional sofa for sale on Craigslist for $300, to which I responded anonymously twice. 

Here's my first inquiry:
Would you take $25 for it?

I was about to offer $50 but then I noticed the Francona book lying there
and figured your standards weren't that high.

Here's my second one:
Hey mon, how is goin... Iz wondrin if this is a firm sofa. Ever since the
bambino came out me and the ol lady dont get much alone time in the sack cuz
the bambino is in ther. So Iz figurin that when its sleepin I could bang the
ol lady on this sofa if its firm.

Can Iz get a deal on it if Iz pays wit food stamps?

Something tells me if he ever responds it won't be to make a deal.

You should respond again under a different persona and tell him you're looking for a sofa for your game room. Tell him you've got a Yankees theme going and you're looking for a cheap sofa to have reupholstered in Yankees fabric. 

Here is my third inquiry:
Hi yall. I wuz jest checkn out your couch and it looks kinda nice. do you have more pics of it? Jamal, that's my first baby's daddy hez the one that showd this ad of yours to me, but Leroy, that's my second baby's dady is the one that's goin to help me lift it. Now between jest payin my rent and food and stuff there aint much left of my check from da state so I's hopin you might come down on da price a bit there, huh sugar? If you can plz let me no would ya? Also, do you think that would fit in the trunk of my lexus?

thx  Latisha