Storage Wars: I Urn for You

JarrodSchulz-BrandiPassante-SW43Storage Wars: Season 4, Episode 3: “All’s Well that Urns Well.”

Have you ever seen an urn? I haven’t. Neither have Jarrod or Brandi. They thought they had matching beer steins. My skin just crawled out of my body at the thought of drinking beer out of an urn. Yeach.

Storage auction was held in Orange, California. Guest appearance by Ivy Calvin, a former MMA fighter. It was Barry however who had the fighter in him from the get-go. Make them all pay through the nose for lockers. Did his strategy work? Hmmm…

1st Storage Unit
Stacked poorly with office desk chairs, files, banker boxes, and office supplies. Barry stated it was not the locker for him but the – “Perfect locker to screw to the nut balls.”

Good strategy however one itsy-bitsy oversight on his part. Barry did not notice as the crowd filed in front of locker that they showed little interested in the contents. Barry shouted the first bid: $150!

Silence.

Barry looked around. Everyone shook their heads “No.” Darrell told Barry he could have bought the locker for only $20.

Barry: Note to self. You can’t bid up any other buyers if there aren’t any other buyers.

Good lesson, Barry. He unloaded his unwanted locker. Three desk chairs. He stepped inside and tossed items out into the hallway. Then it happened. The nut ball Collector thought to use an old computer monitor as a stepping stool.

Careful… steady… stop wobbling…. Barry… watch out… Barry!

Phew. He made it onto the desk without killing himself. What did he find inside his locker? A whole lot of nothing. Way to screw it to the competition, Collector.

2nd Storage Unit
Girl’s clothing, crib, and kid’s craft items. Of all people, it was the two big guys who went on a bid war on this unit. Darrell vs. Ivy. Former MMA fighter would not go down this time. He won the unit at $250.

Calvin found Garbage Pail Kids collectibles, both old and new, inside his locker. Those might be worth some money. Ivy visited Layron, who was once an original artist for Garbage Pail Kids, to appraise the items. Many cards were in mint condition; but the entire lot was not a gold mine. Valued at $600.

That was the end of the auction. Next day Darrell visited a storage auction held in West Covina, California. He saw Jarrod and Brandi standing in the parking lot. Darrell called Jarrod a sneak, sneaky-snake for attending this auction.

Knock, knock. Uh, Darrell. Storage auctions are publicly listed. What’s your problem? Well, in the end Jarrod and Brandi would out bid him at $250 for the locker. Two days of auctions and zero lockers for Darrell.

Storage Unit contained bedroom and dining furniture. One oddity Jarrod and Brandi found was inside a suitcase. Matching set of urns. And yes, they thought the urns were beer steins. Doh! They pulled a Darrell.

Couple took the antiques to one of Barry’s appraisers, Randy Esada at Thrift Décor store. Matching urns dated back about 150 years. Workmanship on the urns was extraordinary with detail and decoration. Both were in very good condition, but (you knew there was a but in there) they were not originals.

They didn’t have a hallmark on the bottom for maker of the urns and neither were made of pewter. Urns were made by a method called “pot metal.” This is compressed metals molded into less expensive versions of fancy items. The good news:  the pair was valued between $400-$600.

Profit Scorecard:

Jarrod Schulz & Brandi Passante: $1,325
Ivy Calvin: $530
Barry Weiss: $221
Darrell Sheets: $0

What will Brandi do with the matching urns? She may hide her petty cash in hers. With Jarrod’s urn, depends if he keeps overpaying for lockers…

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Chuck G.

Freelance writer, blogger, screenwriter, short film script writer & producer.

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