Container Wars: Cardboard Hell

Uzi-Shlomi-Eyal-Container-WarsContainer Wars: Season 1, Episode 4: “Secret Stash.”

Once in a while during an auction there’s a mystery container. Temptation. Anticipation. Exhilaration. Israel trio scored the biggest… Before I get to their container; let’s see what happened for the other players.

1st Container: Port of Origin –  Panama City, Panama.

Persian rugs, high-end antique furniture, 1920s chandelier, and a large item strapped to the wall covered by a packing blanket.

Matt bawked his bid like a chicken that lost its head, “You chicken paw, paw, paw.” Intimidation it was not. Instead it was an invitation for Mo to up the bid. Matt escalated the bid to $10,000 and rose to $20,000. He won, but it wasn’t a big payoff.

Underneath the blanket was a safe. Matt hired a locksmith and inside he found a briefcase, but it was empty. Bawk. He also found two wooden boxes inside drawers. One box contained fake jewelry. Bawk, bawk. The second box however did contain an antique Colt .45. Okay, he scored a little extra. I’ll give him that. But not enough to bawk like a crazy chicken.

Cost: $20,000
Profit: $4,000

2nd Container: Port of Origin –  Norfolk, Virginia.

John the auctioneer shouted, “Pop this can!”

EE-OO-EE-OO!!!

Container was booby trapped with an alarm system. Deafening! John disabled the alarm which was near the door. Sounded like an air raid, which by chance was fitting for this container.

Inside military surplus boxes labeled blankets, gas masks, ready-to-eat meals (MREs), canned food, hazmat suits, and more. Uzi wanted a jackpot, not something to put in a crock pot. Mo and Ty however thought they could flip the items quickly to survivalist and weekend warrior campers.

Uzi didn’t want the unit however he bid up to $10,000. Then it got real quiet. Uzi was about to implode or explode as he did not want to buy this unit.

Shout from the back from Jason with a $10,200 bid. Uzi exhaled. Mo eventually won container for $11,200 then proceeded with a victory dance. Swag? Uh, no. He needs dance lessons.

Cost: $11,200
Profit: $6,000

3rd Container: Port of Origin –  New Orleans, Louisiana. Doors open wide. Stacked high with cardboard boxes. What’s in the back, a mystery. Ooh. Aww.

Matt stated it’s a little known fact that cardboard is the #1 export to China. He was in. So was Mo. But it was Shlomi who convinced his team he had a good feeling about this container. They went all in.

Uzi: If Shlomi is wrong about this container, I’m gonna have him live inside the cardboard box!

Matt, Mo and Uzi gambled big. Israel trio thundered at $20,500. Too rich for the other players. For the first time John asked if everyone wanted to stick around to see what was inside the unit.

Uzi, Shlomi and Eyal climbed up and over the boxes into the far back of the container. They scored BIG! The biggest laugh that is; nothing but cardboard from front to back. Crowd applauded and laughed.

Wah. Wah. Wah.

John Kunkle: I just want to say one more time all sales are final.

Cost: $25,500
LOSS: – Huge!

4th Container: Port of OriginPhiladelphia, Pennsylvania.

An Outhouse. Seriously, a brand new portable potty along with construction dividers. Matt’s out. He usually likes pretty things. This was all Jason who smoked the bid up to $14,000.

He found a wrecking ball and a new construction loader. He more than doubled his money on his unit, and had the dignity not to bawk like a chicken or jiggy a victory dance.

Cost: $14,000
Profit: $24,000

Lesson learned: If the container is stacked with empty boxes, then it’s probably full of empty boxes – duh!

Please leave your creative thoughts on the show in the comment box below.

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Chuck G.

Freelance writer, blogger, screenwriter, short film script writer & producer.

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