Archive - 2014

Storage Wars: Canada: Boy Wore A Skirt

May 30, 2014
Chuck G.
Storage Wars Canada
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paul-kenny-SWC-1-2Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 3, “You Just Got “Roy’d”!”

Paul hankered for Bogart to understand the business. Had his son take notes. Pick knowledge over material things. Bogart not interested. He hankered for cash.

Ursula hankered for luxury items. Cindy and Rick didn’t hanker at all. Their daughter Terra drove them to the auction. (Must be nice to have your own personal driver.) Roy hankered to buy a storage unit. Instigator hun-gry to make mon-ey.

Slight rain in forecast; but that didn’t stop the rain of words. Cindy called Ursula a “Prima Donna.” Roy called the Kennys “Dumb and Dumber.”  Such a friendly bunch.

1unit-SWC-1-21st Storage Unit
Holy Mother of God! Broken furniture, tossed about chairs, suitcase, and a plethora of boxes.

Borgart: Don’t bid on crap. Got it.

Roy didn’t hear Paul’s tip to hold back. Instigator won locker at $150.

Rick: Enjoy your $150 trip to the dump, Roy.roy-bench-SWC-1-2

Instigator, time to dig. Filing cabinet – trash. Sofas – trash. Small appliance – trash. Pots & Pans – value. Finally. Time to make money. Antique fireplace log holder, laptop, wrist watch, DVD player, tool kit, Egyptian art, pair of green chairs, end table, and an old wooden bench with one broken leg.

Roy took his bench to a “hot cobbler” (his words, not mine). Shoe maker, in other words. She took one quick look. It’s a cobbler’s bench. Made with square nails which dated the bench to mid-late 1800s. Valued at $500.

2unit-SWC-1-22nd Storage Unit
Crap Mini-Me. Horrid sofa, sporting goods, camping gear, mattress, and garbage bags.

No one wanted this trash can. Roy tossed a bid at $10. Paul thought to show his son how it’s done and placed a bid at $20. Roy dropped the locker on Paul. OMG! Bogart heard his money flushed down the toilet.

Paul: I just got Roy’d.

Yes you did! Father and son dug through their locker. Paul found a heater.

Bogart: For when we’re living in the street.

Paul found a tent.

Bogart: Well, at least we’re off the street.bogart-kilt-SWC-1-2

What else? Old sewing machine, ice skates, and six backpacks/suitcases. Unique find – a bagpipe (only in Canada). Bogart bet that he would wear a kilt and play the bagpipes if they made $1,000 on the musical instrument. Paul called the bet at $500? Hold that bet.

Bagpipe collector stated their instrument was not high-end. However, reed barely used. Valued at $500. Time for the boy to wear a skirt.

3unit-SWC-1-23rd Storage Unit
Elliptical exercise machine, bed, and old furniture. Ursula won at $375.

She found a wood screen, two tennis rackets, like-new ski boots, new-in-box exercise machine, armoire, cabinet, bed set minus foot board, and an antique record player.ursula-SWC-1-2

Appraiser stated it was a Victor Victrola IV. Company made 600,000 of that model.

Ursula: That’s 599,000 too many.

What’s a worth? Dance first, please. Girl’s got some moves. Appraised at $200.

After all that song and dance, just $200! Yep. That’s it. Ursula had the notion to just keep her Victrola.

Profit Total:

Ursula Stolf: $1,345
Roy Dirnbeck: $1,090
Paul & Bogart Kenny: $880
Cindy Hayden & Rick Coffill: $0

Would you have bought Roy’s storage unit?

Please leave your insightful opinions in the comment box below.

Storage Wars: Canada: 1st Episode Recap

May 21, 2014
Chuck G.
Storage Wars Canada
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Storage-Wars-Cast-SWC-1-1Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode: “Northern Lights. Northern Fights.”

Storage Wars’ first international spin-off landed in Canada. Huge country north of the US where nothing, ever, happens… except for storage auctions with trash-talking buyers. Maybe we rubbed off on the foreigners.

Players:

Roy Dirnbeck – “The Instigator” – He owns a successful courier business. Buys storage units as a hobby. Five years now and he’s hooked.

Ursula Stolf – “The Knock Out” – Runs an online business selling luxury items for women. She’s got the looks and she’s gonna work it.

Cindy Hayden & Rick Coffill – “The Veterans” – Twenty years experience and own their own thrift store. Cindy’s the pit bull. Ricky’s the puppy dog.

Paul & Bogart Kenny – “The High Roller and The Kid” – Paul’s a professional poker player. Side business storage auction buyer. He’s opened a new store and wants to pass the family business to his son.

Roy: “Pay your bills, or I’m gonna own your sh–. This is a game, and I don’t lose.”

Paul & Bogart: “We’re gonna go all-in.”

Cindy & Rick: “It’s a dog-eat-dog business.”

Ursula: “Don’t tell me can’t, because I can. Don’t tell me don’t, because I will.”

Don-Reinhart-SWC-1-1Auctioneer Don Reinhart calmly stated the rules:

1. Don’t go in
2. Don’t touch anything
3. Terms of auction – cash

Who grabbed everyone’s attention before auction? Lady in Red – Ursula. She may not have the experience, but she’s not invisible either.

1room-SWC-1-11st Storage Unit

Popcorn machine, speaker, cart, bar fridge, antique mirror, out-of-date fax machine, miscellaneous items, chairs, weed wacker, boom box, and huge item under a tarp.

Cindy, in a raspy voice that could cut through concrete, told Ursula to move along. Two women just met. Consider them frenemies.

Ursula: I think that bleached fried your brain and your manners.
Cindy: Watch out little girl. You’re now sitting at the grown up table.

RrreoowwW!white-piano-SWC-1-1

Short-lived cat fight. Roy won the locker at $1,300. What was under the tarp? Baby white grand piano.

Roy took the piano for appraisal. White piano a Young Chang made in Korea. Would need $1,000 to restore musical instrument. Value after at $5,000-$6,000.

Roy: Five grand? They’re playing my song.

2room-SWC-1-12nd Storage Pod

Wood table, refrigerator, entrance hallway table, marble table, picture frames, small wood end table, and obsolete computer monitor.

Bogart liked it but Paul thought it was crap.

Paul: Ten minutes on the job and he’s already an expert.
Bogart: Pfft. This isn’t so hard.

Nobody in their right mind wanted that storage pod, except for Bogart. Bid began at $25. Roy won at $100 then sold the storage pod to Bogart for $150.

Father and son rented a truck to load the whole freakin’ storage pod – never seen that done before. Paul knew a guy who owned a furniture store. Reluctantly, he bought the entire lot.

3room-SWC-1-13rd Storage Unit
Skis, sofas, punching bag, wooden chairs, small copy machine, and boxes. Cindy won at $550.

Ursula: I’m out. Can’t win against crazy.antique-type-SWC-1-1

Rick and Cindy found an antique machine inside a box. Appraiser stated it’s a mechanical point writer.

One of the first models. Transcribed printed text into Braille text for the blind. Condition, poor at best. Sold to appraiser for $150.

All in all… cat fight, big spender, rookie mistake. Sound familiar?

Profit Total:

Roy Dirnbeck: $3,940
Cindy Hayden & Rick Coffill: $390
Paul Kenny & Bogart Kenny: $250
Ursula Stolf: $0

What did you think of the new spin-off?

Please leave your creative comments in the box below.

Barry’d Treasure: Daredevil Barry

May 6, 2014
Chuck G.
Barry'd Treasure
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barry-weiss-BT-1-8Barry’d Treasure: Season 1, Episode 8: “All About Evel.”

Barry Weiss jumped over 15 buses on his motorcycle!

Wait, I’ll get to that.

chris-agajanian-buyer-BT-1-8Buyer

Chris Agajanian, a friend of Barry, wanted a leather jumpsuit. Not a disco jumpsuit, mind you.

Evel Kneivel’s leathers (as they call it in the racing world). Evel was only the most famous daredevil in American history.

Buyer owned Evel’s helmet which was worn in 1975 on the daredevil’s last jump. That event was the highest rated televised episode on the Wide World of Sports.

Helmet was signed and given to Chris by the daredevil himself. He needed, craved, yearned for the leathers. (I laid it a bit thick.)

 Shenanigans

The Collector sped off tangents during his hunt for an item. Show began with Kenny awarded a brown belt. (Who knew?) Barry awarded a white belt. (Who knew?) Kenny one step away from a black belt. Barry, well, too many steps to bother.

Sidekick also sidetracked Weiss into a recording studio. Kenny recorded a rap song, Who Would Have Ever Known That. Apparently, Kenny’s sensei was banging (his words, not mine) Barry’s cousin.

BT-1-8Does that mean they’re related? The Collector and King of Pralines. Weird family tree.

Next pit stop by Kenny as well. His friend Cory’s garage. What now? Kenny had Cory create an animated Barry Weiss Evel Knievel. That was cool.

The Hunt

Yoshi owned a motor shop. Also a fan of the daredevil’s memorabilia. He had a leather jumpsuit, but it wasn’t authentic. yoshi-BT-1-8Barry needed a lead.

Barry: Who do you know that may know… who do you know that may know… who do you know… who do you know that may know… someone.

Wow, Barry, get it out already! Yoshi’s response.

Yoshi: That’s my friend, maybe you know.

O-M-G, just get on with it. Who?! (Yes, I know, “Who’s on first.”)

Bruce Meyer from Beverly Hills, that’s who. That information was only on a “need to know” basis, “you know.”

bruce-meyer-BT-1-8Seller

Meet Bruce Meyer. Bonafide collector of antique racing cars. His collection of motorcycles stacked 3-tiers on a wall.

Bruce did own leathers from Evel that he’d kept for thirty years. He went to retrieve it.

Hello! They’re not white leathers (most commonly photographed).

They’re blue leathers.

Barry: Oh, you got the blue ones. These were like his practice leathers. He jumped more time in these than an other leathers he’s owned.

The Deal

Barry arrived two hours late to the meet. Unbelievable. Chris and Bruce tad impatient. Weiss however was present. Time to show off the leathers. Chris looked at the cuffs. Right cuff engraved with the letter “E.” Left cuff engraved with the letter “K.” Tag inside read: Created Especially for Evel Kneivel by Tony Llad.

 Chris: This is the real McCoy.

deal-BT-1-8Negotiations uber fast. Offer $40,000 cash. Counter $50,000. DEAL!

 Stunt

Time for Barry Weiss to jump over 15 buses to break Evel’s record. Chris and Bruce sat and watched for victory or for defeat. Chris even loaned Barry the Evel Knievel helmet.

Rev Engine · Accelerate · Ramp · J-U-M-P!

barry-weiss-BT-1-8-busesHe did it! Barry broke Evel’s record. Weiss jumped over 15 buses. Oh, they were NOT real buses. Scaled down buses. Very scaled down buses. Okay, they were toys!

Did you watch any of Evel Knievel’s stunts on YouTube?

Please leave your creative comments in the box below.

Storage Wars: Holy Grail II

April 30, 2014
Naomi Luc
Storage Wars
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DarrellSheets-SW-5-10Storage Wars: Season 5, Episode 10: “Zen Masters of the Universe.”

Darrell was all about Zen. Kimber taught him the Yoga tree pose. She asked him how he felt.
He said, “I need to poop.”

Dan and Laura Dotson lost on the way to auction. Not according to Laura. Dan just needed to make a u-turn up ahead.
That’s lost, Laura.

Jarrod told Brandi that she would pick the storage units and that he would set the budgets. The only rule – Brandi had to pick at least one locker. If Jarrod saw one that he liked, he’d nudge her and she’d pick that one.

Brandi: Great to be part of the team, Jarrod.

Rene arrived at auction behind the wheel of his box truck. He would load the merchandise as well. Darell, not impressed. Ivy in la-la land in his mind.

1st-unit-SW-5-101st Storage Unit

Furniture, ceiling fans, commercial fryer, washer, dryer, suitcases, entertainment center, mini-fridge, bird cage, and trash bags. Ivy won the locker for $1,300.

Ivy found a portable karaoke machine, keg dispenser, and an electric guitar.

tone-chimes-SW-5-10He man-handled heavy furniture out of the locker. That’s a former MMA fighter, for sure. Ivy spotted a metal case. Strange tuning instruments inside.

Ivy took the musical items to a church. Appraiser stated the items were tone chimes which were used to teach people notes on the scale. Valued set at $1,100.

2nd-unit-SW-5-102nd Storage Unit

Metal box with KISS (1980s rock band) written on the side, arcade game, comic books, collectable toys, and tools.

MONSTER BID WAR!

Dan quickly took the bids to $1,000, $5,000, and to $10,000. Darrell won at $15,750; the most money ever spent on a locker on Storage Wars.

KISS box contained costumes, no value, but the box itself very collectible. Darrell and Brandon uncovered box after box of collectible vintage toys. Original package. Mint condition.

Darrell: This locker just goes on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on. It’s the Holy Grail of Toys!

Comic books neatly bagged and boxed. Kimber added the tally. About $91,000 roughly in collectibles.
The highest profit ever in history of Storage Wars. Way to go, Darrell.

3rd-unit-SW-5-103rd Storage Unit

Tool box, chairs, car seat, paper towels, battery charger, car rims, and boxes. Rene won the locker for $1,800.

He continued his hot streak and won the next two storage units.

4th Storage Unit – $550
5th Storage Unit – $220

Rene opened the tool box. Delighted to see it packed with tools in great condition. ReneNezhoda-CaseyNezhoda-pet-grooming-table-SW-5-10 He also discovered several swords from sabre to medieval style.

The German however stumped when he put together a table. Casey examined it. Got it! Groom table for small pets. Rene brushed his hair with a pet brush.

Ew!

Couple took the table to  Jeff, the “Fur Master.” He gave the table a once over. Study. Good quality.

Rene: You hang the dog right here?

Both Jeff and Casey stupified. No, Rene. You don’t “hang” pets. You hook their lease to the table. Sigh. Table valued at $600.

Darrell so far has won 3 Holy Grail storage units on the show.

Profit Scorecard:

Darrell Sheets: $75,250
Rene Nezhoda & Casey Nezhoda:  $3,840
Ivy Calvin: $1,155
Jarrod Schulz & Brandi Passante: $0

How much would you be willing to pay for that storage unit full of collectible toys?

Please leave your insightful opinions in the comment box below.

Barry’d Treasure: Batmobile

April 30, 2014
Naomi Luc
Barry'd Treasure
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batmobile-BT-1-6Barry’d Treasure: Season 1, Episode 7: “Blackman and Robin.”

Barryweiss-kenny-BT-1-6Today’s adventure was in Barry’s own backyard; Los Angeles. His sidekick for the day; Kenny “The Praline King.”

The Collector

Barry visited his friend Gino, bonafide a toy collector. He l-o-v-e-d Kaiju, which means monster in Japanese. Kaiju are limited edition monsters and very collectible. Barry’s range of expertise as a collector did not reach into the toy arena. Totally clueless, but ready to deal.

Barry: I’m not really understanding anything he’s saying; and it’s not because of his accent.

Gino was to host a show at his toy art gallery. Barry wasn’t sure he could find what Gino was after. Kenny stepped up and said, “I got this one.” Kenny knew a guy.

The Hunt

Barry and Kenny ate barbeque first. Can’t deal on an empty stomach. Kenny knew a guy named Moon Jones. He was a true toy collector. Barry however was specific on the genre of toys:

Barry: Kaiju.
Kenny: God bless you.

Kenny provided the guy. Barry provided the ride. What was the ride?

The Batmobile.

batmobile-BT-1-6-bPerfect car to hunt toys. But it wasn’t comfortable.  Barry got stuck, a lot.

Barry drove to Moon’s home. He had a ton of superheroes collectibles like, everywhere. In the kitchen cupboard and inside the fridge.

It was an impressive collection, but no Kaiju.

Moon knew a guy named, “Super Cooper.” He was a Japanese monster collector.
Batmobile parked at the next stop. Uh, wait a minute. “Super Cooper” was a 14-year old boy?

Barry: This Super Cooper could be our man. Despite the fact that he’s not a man yet…you get the point.

Cooper did indeed collect Kaiju. He was however, unable to part with even one piece. Barry disappointed. Sigh.
Kid then mentioned he knew a guy named Karl, who also collected Kaiju.
Barry perked.

Barry: I hope this works. Because so far Kenny’s getting a “D” in deal making but an “E for” effort.

Barry thought a wardrobe change might bring bring them Barryweiss-kenny-shirts-BT-1-6 luck. He met David, his shirt tailor, in a back alley. Ooo… kay.

Barry changed shirts, as did Kenny.
Once again, they were on their way.
Next stop, Karl the Kaiju collector.

The Sale

Karl normally would not part with any of his collection. However, he had amassed huge credit card debt. Barry suggested Karl put together a few items he was less attached to; 25 pieces in the lot.

Barry offered $8,000. Karl wanted more. Barry countered with $12,000. Before Karl could answer, Kenny raised the offer to $15,000.

Barry: Note to self, my buddy’s negotiation skills need a bit of work.

Deal!

Barry brought a few samples of Kaiju toys at Gino’s gallery. First, Barry had to parallel park the Batmobile.

Steady.
Steady.
BUMP!
Oops.

Gino loved the samples and the photo on Kenny’s phone of the rest of the collection.

japanese-toys-BT-1-6He was not thrilled at the deal price, but he had to have the Kaiju. Sold!

Kenny came through for Barry.

Please leave your insightful opinions in the comment box below.

Barry’d Treasure: Oddballs

April 29, 2014
Naomi Luc
Barry'd Treasure
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barryweiss-mikehammer-juniper-BT-1-7Barry’d Treasure: Season 1, Episode 6: “The Unbearable Enlightenment of Barry.”

barryweiss-mikehammer-BT-1-7Barry drove to Las Vegas, Nevada. He visited his friend Peter who would host an auction and needed a buyer for his advertising collectibles. Weiss up to the challenge to make a deal.

Barry: The whole thing with auctions is the right buyer’s got to be present; and sometimes you end up bringing the auction to the right buyer.

Barry asked Mike Hammer, a local magician, to come along for the adventure.

The Collector

Barry and his sidekick met Peter at the auction house. Peter needed to sell three Barangers; store-window mechanical animated advertising displays, rented to jewelers, produced from 1925 to 1959.

Peter wanted $18,000 for the lot. Baranger-BT-1-7Barry knew someone who collected Barangers.

But what’s in it for Barry?

The Hunt

Barry and Mike saw a classy woman in a car next to them at the light.

The show’s producer bet Barry he couldn’t get her number. Barry asked her out for coffee. She smiled. She waved. No, thanks.

Ouch, Barry.

Barry stopped in a small town near the Arizona border.
Call it Donkeyville.
Lots and lots of donkeys everywhere. barryweiss-mikehammer-juniper-trashcan-BT-1-7

Barry met a young woman who wanted to take a picture. Who doesn’t want a photo with Barry?

Apparently, this young-zen-flower-gal named Juniper. She asked Barry to take a photo of her hugging a trash can. Huh?

Barry: I’ve always attracted oddballs. It’s something that I like about myself. And this one just might be a keeper.

Juniper lived in Sedona, Arizona. Barry asked her if she wanted a ride. Don’t have to ask that trash-can-hugger twice for an adventure. Ooo, a sunset. Pull over. Juniper wanted to gaze at the sunset.

She told the men to inhale, exhale, and to talk to the voice in their heads.

Barry: Well voice in my head. You there? I’m talking to you, voice. You talk to me when I’m talking to you.

It takes an oddball to know an oddball.

They spent the night in Jerome, Arizona. Front desk clerk at the hohaunted-hotel-BT-1-7tel told them the place was haunted. Hotel was once a hospital and that 9,000 patients died there.

Mike total freak-out mode.

Barry: A magician? Afraid of ghosts? He’s just begging me to mess with him.

Two hours later the fun began. Barry had Juniper prank call Mike in the middle of the night. First call, scary noises. Second call, SCREAM!

All in good fun, for Barry.

Next day, time to say goodbye to Juniper as they dropped her off in Sedona.

Barry: She may be attuned with nature. But she sure isn’t picking up on how much I want to leave it.

The Sale

Barry took the mechanical animated displays to Michael Pollack.

Baranger-collection-BT-1-7Magician sidekick broke the ice with a little magic trick. Play time over. Time to wheel and deal. Pollack showed off his own Baranger collection; 130 pieces. Barry lathered the compliments.

Barry: My recipe for baking up a sale. Don’t skimp on the butter.

Barry presented the three Barangers he had and opened negotiations. Offer, 37,000. Pollack scoffed.

Counter offer $18,000. Peter would be happy, but again, what’s in it for Barry?

Barry: I’ve got one last trick up my sleeve. Looking him dead in the eyes… and lying.

Barry recountered at $28,000. No wiggle room. Pollack called his bluff.
Sold at $23,000.

What was in it for Barry?
Well, $5,000!
Not bad for an oddball adventure.

Please leave your creative comments box below.

Storage Wars: Rene a Woman?

April 25, 2014
Naomi Luc
Storage Wars
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ReneNezhoda-Casey Nezhoda-KimonoStorage Wars: Season 5, Episode 9: “Boom Goes the Dynamite?”

Laura Dotson, dressed in a robe, practiced her – “Remember folks to pay the lady” quip in front of a mirror. Where you ask? Inside her very posh bedroom.

Dan, dressed in a robe also, read the paper in bed. Those two live a comfortable life, but work like miners everyday. We give them props!

Auction held in Rene’s territory. He made sure everyone was aware. Darrell felt competitive. Ivy felt a little propriety of Murrieta after running across Ivy Street.

Brandi was felt low. Jarrod felt like having fun.

1st-unit-SW5-91st Storage Unit

Stereo, toy kitchen, DVDs, toy car, hangers, clothes, furniture, pocket bike, fishing pole, skate board, drum kit, bench, tools, camping gear, and boxes . Jarrod saw the pocket bike and was instantly sold on the unit. He won it for $1,300.

Brandi went through piles of junk while Jarrod tried every key in the locker on the pocket bike.

Brandi finally found the key. Jarrod turned it on. If worked, but the tires were flat, brakes didn’t work, and throttle busted. pocketbike-SW5-9Jarrod however was having fun.

The couple had the pocket bike repaired. Time for a little race at the Adams Motorsports Park.

Brandi: Get ready to eat my dust Jarrod!

My money’s on Brandi!

Voom! VooOM!

Jarrod was in the lead. Brandi closed in on him.

VOOOOM!

Brandi zoomed past! And she’s was the winner! (Or did he let her win, hmmm.)

2nd-unit-SW-5-92nd Storage Unit

Shovel, rake, vacuum, ladder, mini fridge, old computers, heaters, camping gear, and shredder. Rene and Darrell went head to head. But Darrell won the unit for $500.

Darrell: Rene backed off of this locker because he knows: Never get between a Papa Bear and his honey hole.

Darrell found a tool box, golf trophies, hard drives, watch, and pick ax. Brandon unpacked a camera and new sun glasses.

Brandon scored big when he found a mining box used to blow up dynamite.

Darrell: Dare I say this locker was exploding wimining-box-SW-5-9th profit.

Ugh. Work on your puns, Darrell.

Father and son took the mining box to an expert in old mining equipment. He dated the item to the late 19th century. Let’s check to see if it worked.

Darrell volunteered Brandon to place the dynamite. (Thanks, dad.) Darrell also volunteered Brandon to stand 10 feet from the explosion. Darrell, of course, stood way back.

Brandon pushed down the lever. Nothing happened. The dynamite was a fake.

The expert bemused that Brandon didn’t blink at the idea of being so near an explosion. Kidding aside, the mining box made Darrell and Brandon $800.

3rd-unit-SW-5-93rd Storage Unit

Furniture, paintings, tarps, plastic containers, and one really bad smell. Darrell raised the price then dropped the locker on Rene for $500.

The furniture was Asian inspired. There were clothes inside one of the dressers. Rene also found several garment bags. Casey beamed with excitement, instantly unzipped the bags.

Rene: Hey calm down tiger! All of a sudden you want to work?

The couple found three beautiful kimonos. Beautiful designs and very nicely made. Time to take them to be appraised by an expert in Japanese culture. kimono-SW-5-9

Rene took one look at the expert and his jaw dropped. The guy wasn’t a little Japanese man. He was a tall Caucasian. Expert told Rene he watched too much TV.

One of the kimonos was made for a woman when she turned twenty. The other two were wedding kimonos.

The length of the sleeves determined the type of kimono. Used, they were worth $1,000 altogether.

Before leaving, Rene wanted to know if the expert had any samurai armor to try on.

Rene: Do they come in big boy’s size?

No, Rene. Only in a warrior’s size.

Profit Scorecard:

Darrell Sheets: $2,440
Rene & Casey Nezhoda:  $890
Ivy Calvin: $0
Jarrod Schulz & Brandi Passante: LOSS -$1,200

Whose unit had the best merchandise?

Please leave your insightful opinions in the comment box below.

Jarrod and Brandi: Married to the Job Recap

April 24, 2014
Chuck G.
Entertainment
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jarrodschulz-brandipassante-married-to-the-jobJarrod Schulz and Brandi Passante granted their fans access to their lives at work and at home in an A&E special:

Married to the Job.

Better suited title – Brandi’s Three Kids.

Inside their two-story home (without a white picket fence), two kids, one dog…

Jarrod (grown child) badgered Brandi for another birthday party. His mother created a Schulz tradition of the “birthday jarrodschulz-toilet-cupmonth” when he was five-years old. A month-long birthday celebration?

That’s every kid’s dream.
Jarrod’s not a kid.
Wait, hold that thought.
He drank coffee out of a toilet cup.

Say it with me – EW!

Their son Cameron (real child) struggled with Alegbra.
(You know, that math that you will never, like ever use again in your entire life.)

camren-schulz-bar-deskCameron needed a desk to do his homework. Jarrod’s solution – get him a desk from the store.

Brandi: We have a rule Jarrod. We’re not suppose to bring stuff home from the store.
Jarrod: Well, it’s more of a guideline than a rule.
Brandi: Pretty sure it’s a rule.

Jarrod promised he would not bring a desk from the store and left.
Brandi shook her head. That was way too easy in her mind. He kept his word. Did not bring a desk from the store.

He brought a BAR to use as a desk from the store.

And men wonder why women have PMS.

Brandi’s voiceover intro to the special:

I met Jarrod when I was nineteen. And even then, he didn’t have hair. And then came Oops. And Oops again. They’re pretty cute, so we let ’em stick around. We lived with Jarrod’s mom for awhile. Something every girl dreams about. And then one day we went to a storage auction. And our lives changed. We opened a thrift store, so Jarrod could hire all of his dumb ass friends. Because, of course they didn’t have jobs. People say that a successful marriage, takes a lot of hard work. But let me tell you, even when you’re not married, it still feels like a full-time job.

Meanwhile, at the Now and Then thrift store…jarrod-schulz-and-shawn

Jarrod stated he worked 7 days a week, 11 months out of the year.
He needed his birthday month to detox.
Ready to bolt out the door.
But Shawn, his brother-in-law, advised him that they needed to discuss expenses and payroll.

Schulz displayed the enthusiasm of a bewildered rugrat (just go with it).

Back at the home front…

Cameron asked Brandi for help with Algebra.

brandi-passante-cameron-schulz-mathPerplexed as to why there would be letters along with numbers in math… Brandi told her son to “Google it.”

Brandi: I’m not sure what I would ever do if they shut down Google.

Welcome to Parenting101 in the 21st century.

Jarrod urged both his son and daughter to finish their homework.

Jarrod: Cameron’s gonna have to learn there’s always gonna be homework. But birthday month comes only once a year.

So far the grown child has had two or three birthday parties (dang!).
Schulz wanted M-O-R-E!

Brandi: With anyone else, birthday month would scream “Mid-life Crisis.”
But with Jarrod, it means he still hasn’t grown up.

Off to Grandma Sue’s house…horse_butt-cake

Honey-baked ham. Cheesy potatoes. Beans.
Was it enough?
Uh, no.
Jarrod whined for another birthday party and cake.

Brandi gave him cake alright… shaped as a horse’s ass!

Brandi: As a mother I have two goals:
Make sure that the college money doesn’t turn into bail money;
And to make sure Cameron doesn’t turn out like Jarrod.

High goals for any mother (ahem).

At a local bar…christina-brandipassante-best-friend

Christina, saucy-single-brunette and best friend to Brandi, suggested a tutor.
Not for the kids.
For Brandi.
Best friend even arranged for the interviews.

Aw, how thoughtful.

Christina suggested that Brandi hire a super-banging HOT tutor. Brandi cocked her head. Uh, wait-a-minute. Was this interview for a tutor or speed dating for Christina?

Back at the home…

Jarrod stole his mother’s free-standing pool (she was glad to part with it).
He set up the pool with his dumb ass friends (Brandi’s words, not mine) in front of his house.
Bought a keg. Hired a DJ. Catered food. Girls in bikinis. PAR-TAY!

jarrodschulz-pool-partyTime to ring up Brandi.

If you can’t beat them, join them. Brandi did a hand-stand on the keg and drank beer. She even got-jiggy-with-it.

brandi-passante-partiesUntil rent-a-cop busted the party.

Next day…

Cameron presented a math paper to Jarrod.

Grade – F.

payton-schulz-plunges-toiletJarrod: I really screwed up.
While I was running around acting like a kid, my kids needed me to be a dad.

Time for action.

Jarrod had Shawn tutor Cameron.
Finally, the kid understood algebra.

What about his daughter Payton?
He had her plunge the toilet at the thrift store.

Welcome to Parenting101 in the 21st century.

Please leave your creative and fun thoughts about the special in the comment box below.

Storage Wars: Darrell won $1,000 from Rene

April 17, 2014
Naomi Luc
Storage Wars
1 Comment

DarrellSheets-SW-5-8Storage Wars: Season 5, Episode 8: “Nuthin’ But a G Thang.”

Darrell played the drums in the garage. He, uh, wore guy-eye-liner. Kimber barged in and asked what he was doing thumping on the drums, badly at that. “The Gambler” was getting in touch with his creative side.

Ivy declared his money was trained. He tells it to sit and it don’t come out of his pockets until he wants it. Usually, it sits during an auction, or very little comes out of his pockets. We’ll see if he turns that around.

Jarrod was glad to be back to basics, which was to buy crap. Brandi disagreed. Jarrod stayed positive. She said only Jarrod could make closing the store into a good thing. Nice little “love-fist-tap” between them before the auction.

Darrell and Rene continued to lock horns. “The Gambler” egged Rene to make a $1,000 flip-the-coin bet. Rene had Dan Dotson flip a quarter. Darrell called “heads.” Yep, it was heads.

Rene: I don’t care about the $1,000 bucks, but I gave it to Darrell. That just sucks.

Lesson one, Rene – Never bet against “The Gambler.”

1st-unit-SW-5-81st Storage Unit

Fridge, deep fryer, food saw, grill, soda pop machine, stainless steel table, bowls, high chair, and ladder. Ivy saw any potential in the locker. Would his money talk for him?

Well, it would talk loudly because the price was over his usual cap. Former MMA champion won locker for $1,300.

Ivy: Now this right here is a beard. I’ve got it trained too, my beard and my money.

What does his beard have to do with money? Ivy called Steve, a restaurant equipment buyer, to look at the merchandise. The fridge was old. Slicer had missing parts. Grill rusted. Steve offered $400 for everything.

So much for obedient money.

2nd-unit-SW-5-82nd Storage Unit

Blankets, trash, go-cart, and boxes. Darrell won the unit for $300. He made sure Rene knew he was using his money. Ouch. Salt to the wound.

Darrell found a vacuum, new sewing machine, and Princess House crystal. Brandon worked out on a small an exercise machine.

Darrell’s unique find was an old life jacket from the Queen Mary. Name stenciled on back and date inside vest – 1962.

Darrell: Do you think it was on there when it hit the iceberg?
Brandon: That’s the wrong ship, bro.

Someone give Darrell a history book, please.

They found more Queen Mary items: candyQueen-mary-collectables-SW-5-8 tin, coasters, original napkin, menu, and program.

Father and son took the collectibles to the commander of the Queen Mary. He confirmed the life jacket was authentic. The candy tin dated after World War II. The entire lot valued at $500.

Darrell recreated the famous Titanic movie scene on the ship’s bow.

Still the wrong ship, bro.

3rd-unit-SW-5-83rd Storage Unit

Cedar chest, suit case, cooler, tarp, containers, trash, and boxes. Several people showed interest in this locker including Jarrod; but Rene took it for $1,300

Rene found boxes of dishes, stuffed animals, toys, papers, and VHS tapes. Ha! Laugh because when was the last time you saw a VHS movie?

Rene frustrated as each box delivered little value. However, one box was full of juggling equipment. Rene tried his hand at juggling. Don’t quit your day job, Rene.juggling-knives-SW-5-8

Couple took the equipment to Josh, a circus expert. Torches were good. Juggling rings were for kids. Knives were the most valuable items. Altogether, lot appraised at $800. However, that bet with Darrell placed Rene in the red.

Rene: I lost a thousand bucks to Darrell. I over spent on this unit. I was just juggling too many balls to make a profit.

Insert bad joke here.

Profit Scorecard:

Darrell Sheets: $1,598
Jarrod Schulz & Brandi Passante: $0
Ivy Calvin: LOSS-$900
Rene Nezhoda & Casey Nezhoda:  LOSS-$1,330

Would you have made a bet with Darrell for $1,ooo?

Please leave your insightful opinions in the comment box below.