Author - Matt Stacey

Storage Wars: Canada: Turn That Frown Upside Down!

Storage Wars Canada

Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 16: “Even Veterans Get the Blues.”

The auction was at a storage facility in a nice working class neighborhood. Who knows what they could find in those units?

Rick was in a bad mood. No morning coffee. And the car breaking down on the way to the auction didn’t help elevate his or Cindy’s mood at all.

Paul picked up Bogart on the way there. Bogie got a new phone and was too busy checking texts to listen to his dad give advice.

Paul: I need you to concentrate and pay attention!

Ursula was putting her foot down on what she wanted. One word: FASHION. She also wanted to start building a new strategy for her online store.

Roy prepared his newest diversion. By giving the others presents (Presents from Roy?) they’d be confused. Roy hoped it would give him time to scoop up the best lockers.

He gave Ursula chocolates. She asked Roy if he was trying to make her fat.

Roy: No, but those horizontal lines on your dress are doing wonders for your ass.

Roy had a book for Paul, which he felt would really come into use for him. It was titled, ‘How to Turn Your Problem Children Into Successful Adults’.

Paul: (watching Bogart text)  I think that ship has sailed.

For Bogart, Roy gave him a yo-yo. In case this whole ‘locker–thing’ didn’t work out for him.

And it was flowers for Cindy. Who promptly tossed them to the floor.

Roy: What happened to the love?

1st Storage Unit

Lots of tools; an air compressor, and some high-end speakers. A guy’s locker.

Don suggested to Ursula the unit might be a good purchase. She was not in the mood to hear it. Neither was Paul or Bogart.

Don: How come everyone is yelling at me?

Rick and Cindy were not impressed either. Rick said only a fool would go for this unit.

Cue, the fool.

Roy: I don’t know why everyone is so grumpy. This locker is full of money.

The bids went up fast on this one. And Roy walked away with it for $2,050.

He popped it open and quickly found one great item after another, including some brand new cameras… still in their boxes!

Then he found a very cool crossbow. He needed to find out what it was worth.

Roy took it to his professional hunter buddy, Silvio. He gave Roy a quick demonstration of the bow’s accuracy and how to properly load and fire it.

Silvio told Roy he had found a good compound bow, probably worth around $450.

Roy pondered keeping the bow for himself. Hm. In case he ever needed to shoot a moose, maybe?

2nd Storage Unit

A large dining room set, fake plants, and a few mystery boxes.

Roy took a pass and decided to give someone else a shot. Ursula had her doubts there was any high-end fashion to found inside.

The bids started… leaving a very lonely Paul to pay $125 for this orphaned locker.

Paul: Just like pickin’ up money off the ground!

Rick: Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

Paul opened it up while Bogie was engrossed in checking email on his new phone.

There were some decent pieces of furniture. And a couple of pairs of… roller skates?

Paul: These don’t look like your typical roller skates.

They took the skates to a roller rink, where a roller derby instructor asked them the boys to come out on the rink with the other ladies and test out their skates.

Bogart: Like no one saw THAT coming.

Several falls and bruises later, the instructor appraised the boys skates for $355.

Not too shabby for a locker no one wanted.

3rd Storage Unit

A large unit with a lot of nice furniture items. But still no fashion for Ursula. And she took a pass.

Ursula: I said I was putting my foot down today, and I meant it.

So Ursula turned on her high priced heel and headed home.

Meanwhile, Bogie was wrapped up in his new phone and not paying much attention to the bidding.

But Cindy was definitely feeling this unit. And her and Rick grabbed it for $650.

Cindy: Let’s hope it doesn’t suck.

Inside, they found some nice pieces but nothing amazing. Cindy was feeling very cynical about the whole purchase while Rick wished for a miracle to help alleviate his queen’s bad mood.

Ask and ye shall receive.

A small box Rick found contained a set of dollhouse furniture. It  seemed to be worth getting appraised. At least, to Rick it seemed worth it.

Cindy was not so optimistic. And a cracked mirror Rick found finally sent her for the exit.

Cindy: That’s a bad omen. I’m so out of this unit.

They took the miniatures to a store specializing in… (duh) miniatures.

The owner told them they had very nice, detailed pieces… easily worth around $550.

Cindy was blown away. She finally had a smile on her face.

Cindy: I love being wrong!


Rick Coffill & Cindy Hayden: $870
Roy Dirnbeck: $800
Paul Kenny & Bogart Kenny: $730
Ursula Stolf: $0

Cindy and Rick started having a bad day, but it turned around at the 11th hour. Ever have a bad day that ended with a GOOD surprise?

Please leave your creative comments in the box below.

Storage Wars: Canada: Do YOU Suffer From Storage-laria?


Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 19: “Com-Paul-sive Behaviour.”

The auction was held in Wasaga Beach, which has the largest fresh water beach in the world. Rich homes usually equal rich storage units.

Rick and Cindy talked about what it takes to stay in the game. They’ve seen people spend too much too fast and end up in bankruptcy.

Paul was really eager to buy. Bogart pointed out they still had to store all the crap they’ve gotten from storage lockers…in MORE storage lockers. He seemed worried about his pops.

Bogart: I think my dad is addicted to buying lockers.

Ursula admitted she NEEDED a good locker. She said the rush on closing the bid and slamming that locker door was pretty awesome indeed.

Ursula: I think that’s what I’m addicted to. More than the actual locker itself.

Roy was ready to hand out some bad advice to whomever was buying, and today he could tell Paul was in a frenzy mood. He suggested that Paul to buy, buy, BUY.

Rick tried to keep Paul away from such a bad influence.

Rick: I’ve seen a lot of buyers go down this road. It’s never pretty.

Paul got a fever. And the only prescription was ‘More Locker”.

1storageunitB_SWCA1-191st Storage Unit

Games and tools. Whatever. Nothing really jumped out.

But that didn’t stop Paul. He was ready to throw down $500 right off the bat.

Bogart talked his dad down off the ledge, which gave Roy the opportunity to grab this unit for $850.

Roy: That felt gooooood. (to Paul) Don’t you wish you could try that?

Inside, Roy found a few gold pieces and a really nice hockey net. It was definitely worth getting checked out. So he took it to an ice rink where women’s Olympic medalist, Sami Jo Small helped him appraise it.1storageunit_NET_SWCA1-19

She told him it was only worth $100. So Roy asked if she would sign it, thus jacking its worth up a couple hundred bucks, (since it had her autograph).

Sami agreed… if Roy would play goalie for her and the other women hockey players.

Roy: Just you and those girls? Sure. They don’t look that tough.

See Roy try to defend goal. See Roy get pummeled with hockey pucks. See Roy try to get out of this ice rink alive.

2storageunitB_SWCA1-192nd Storage Unit

A WALL of boxes filled with clothes. And mattresses. Eh.

Don was doing his best to entice Ursula, since she had been looking for possible fashion pay dirt.

Ursula: I guess I didn’t drive all this way, NOT to shop.

But when the bidding started, you-know-who broke into a sweat.

Paul: I need this fix!

Bogart tried to get his dad to cool it, but as the bids went up… so did Paul’s hand.

Luckily, Ursula closed it down, grabbing the unit for $775.

Ursula: Man, that feels good!

But once she got inside and started pulling out all those mattresses…

Ursula: This is as appealing to me as Cindy’s wardrobe.

She nabbed a fair amount of name brand ski jackets and ski boots, but it was a portable easel which had her heading to the Toronto School of Art for an appraisal.2storageunit_EASEL_SWCA1-19

Ursula showed up, fashionable as always, and in the same stripes and scarf as the teacher she needed to show her easel. The teacher told her it was worth about $200.

He then had Ursula paint a ‘Still Life of Fruit… with Penis’.

It’s a long story. Or is it?  The room was kind of cold.

3storageunitB_SWCA1-193rd Storage Unit

A big unit, packed to the rafters. But again, nothing seen upfront was looking fantastic. It was a BIG gamble at best.

This one got the thumbs down from both Cindy and Ursula.

But Paul was jonzing by now.

Bogart: You GOTTA be high if you think I’d let you buy this one.

Paul: But this is my last chance!

And as the bid opened up, guess who was there to push an addict headlong into the seventh ring of Hell?

Roy: Is it wrong to bid up an addict?  Probably.

Roy pushed the bid up to $475 and Paul grabbed it. Which was a surprise to…

Bogart: We got that??!! (to Paul) You know what? You have a problem.

When the boys opened it up, Bogart knew they had something on their hands.

And it didn’t smell good.

Bogart: Welcome to Paul and Bogart’s House of Garbage. How may I help you today?

Bogart felt this was the worst locker they’d ever bought. His dad said they had some good couches and were worth a shot to get checked out.

They loaded up ALL their couches and took them to an antique consignment store run by a friend of Paul’s… who took one look at their collection and…

Store Owner: No way.


Bogart: You can’t get any more humiliating than this.

Ah! Ye of little faith, my good Sir Bogart! It most certainly can-eth!3storageunit_COUCHES_SWCA1-19

Welcome to Sofahenge! The druids of ye old England would have been most proud-eth of your father’s sofa representation of Stonehenge.


Ursula Stolf: $175
Roy Dirnbeck: $70
Paul Kenny & Bogart Kenny: -$475
Rick Coffill & Cindy Hayden: $0

Paul had a problem saying ‘no’ to lockers. And it hurt his and Bogie’s wallet. Ever have to confront a co-worker about their addiction before they pulled you under?

Please leave your creative comments in the box below.

Storage Wars: Canada: Welcome To the Jungle


Welcome to the Jungle.

Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 15: “A-locker-lypse Now.”

Don was back! His return, coupled with a potentially steady stream of  good lockers, offered our players another chance at redemption.

Roy was in full fatigues and ready for his next mission: Buy up all the good units… with extreme prejudice.

And lots of money.

Paul and Bogart had been working hard at the store. But the boys needed toys… and collectibles… and stuff that was easy to move.

Ursula had good luck selling household appliances. She was on high alert to pick up lockers which could feed her wallet. And her shoe collection.

Cindy and Rick were ready to get aggressive. If it came down to bigger bidding wars?  Then so be it.

When Roy showed up in his fatigues, the others were a little unsure how to handle him.

Paul: Looks like ‘Officer Ego’ has finally cracked.

Every man has his breaking point. Had Roy ultimately met his?

1storageunit_SWCA1-151st Storage Unit

A nice household unit, which the owners took the time to pack nicely. Always a good sign.

This was right up Ursula’s alley. And Paul and Bogart’s. And Roy’s.

Maybe. It was hard to tell what Roy was thinking behind those military–styled shades.

Roy scouted out the unit, looking for possible signs of monetary potential.

Roy: In war, you always have to be one step ahead of your enemy. Luckily, my enemies are pretty stupid.

The bids went fast and furious. Roy hit Paul and Bogart with chaos and confusion, upping the bid to $1,000… before dropping the unit on Paul.

Paul: I THINK I won.

Roy: You’re never getting that (money) back. Your money is GONE.

Paul and Bogart dug through this booby-trap and found some videotapes, toys, and kids clothes.  It was a worn torn wasteland of complete crap.

Roy’s military mind game was proving effective.

But then Paul and Bogie found a tennis ball shooter-outer thing. Maybe it was worth some dollars?1storageunit_TENNISBALL-SWCA1-15

Bogart: If it’s a dud?  Then we got SERVED.

They took their ball machine to the local tennis club. The resident club Pro challenged Paul and Bogart to see how they’d do against the machine they brought him. The results?

Tennis Club Pro: Balls are supposed to go OVER the net!

After their amazing display of tennis talent, the Pro let the boys know the ball machine was worth in the neighborhood of $650.

Paul: Advantage: Kennys!

2storageunit_SWCA1-152nd Storage Unit

Paintings, furniture and power tools. But it was all thrown in a jumble. Was there pay dirt inside? Ursula seemed to think so. So did Rick and Cindy.

The bid opened up and Rick was strong out of the gate. After some back n’ forth with Ursula, Cindy nabbed it for $425

However, Roy remained silent and steady throughout.

Ursula asked him why he had decided to dress this way. Roy didn’t even look her way…

Roy: This mission is classified.

Damn. Cold blooded. Roy had gone down river and there was no turning back.

Meanwhile, Cindy and Rick quickly unloaded their locker and brought the stuff to the PATIO SALE they were holding outside their store.2storageunit_TYPEWRITER-SWCA1-15

They employed a little ‘guerilla warfare’ to their sales tactics and killed it, making $1,125 off sales of their locker’s items!

Cindy: We cleaned up!

Call her ‘Mrs. Clean’.

3storageunit_SWCA1-153rd Storage Unit

A single guy locker, filled with quality stuff.  Cindy was intrigued.

But Roy had infiltrated behind enemy lines, found his target… and was ready to instigate Operation: Domination.

Roy: I’m bringing her (the locker) home safe.

It was the end for his beautiful friends, as Roy sidelined everyone with a $2,300 bid.  Target acquired.  Target hit.

Roy: Mission accomplished!

Roy found a huge LED flat screen, which was an easy $1,000. Between that and the other good stuff he dug out, Roy already had his investment covered.

Roy: I love the smell of money in the morning!

But it was a fleet of cool remote controlled cars that had him wondering exactly how much $$$ he’d ultimately make from this mission.3storageunit_RCCARS_SWCA1-15

He took them to an RC expert, who let Roy know he had almost $1,500 worth of good RC cars.

Roy decided against giving the $500 RC car to his nephew. So instead, the little tyke will be getting socks this Christmas.

The horror.

The horror.

Meanwhile, Ursula left the auction without a locker. Again.  The bids went too high too fast. It just wasn’t her day.

Roy: War is Hell!


Roy Dirnbeck: $1,490
Rick Coffill & Cindy Hayden: $700
Paul Kenny & Bogart Kenny: $100
Ursula Stolf: $0

Roy’s crazy tactics really threw the others this time. What tricks have you ever employed to confuse the enemy?

Please leave your creative comments in the box below.

Storage Wars: Canada: A Fast Talking Pecker

featuredpic_Patrick PeckerB_SWCAN1-14

Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 10: “Canadian Pecker.”

Don was still on vacation, so Patrick Pecker filled in for him as auctioneer.

Patrick Pecker: I’m more aggressive than Don. Today, I’m bringing the full Pecker.

Cindy and Rick knew it’s always good business to be respectful to the auctioneer. When they arrived, they made sure to shake hands with Pecker.

Still high off his last big score, Roy was ready to show everyone who the boss was at today’s auction.

Ursula brought a good luck charm with her. She needed her mojo to grab some better lockers. And, of course, the charm matched her outfit.

Paul and Bogart were dressed for success. Now that Bogart was a partner, he felt the Kenny ‘brand’ needed a makeover. So he made Paul ditch his signature hat and Hawaiian shirt for a button down shirt and tie. Paul looked sharp, but wasn’t sure how a fancy haircut and shirt would make him a better buyer.

Once they all arrived, Roy was giving his old nemesis, Pecker, a lot of grief before the auction even began.

Someone should have told Roy: Never piss off the Pecker.

1storageunit_SWCAN1-141st Storage Unit

A little light, but there was furniture, a snowboard, and some mystery boxes.

Roy had to raise a ruckus to get his bids recognized by Pecker. It was more effort than what he was willing to put in.

Paul and Bogie got the unit for $350.

Bogart: Buying with style!! (realizes) Wait, did dad just call me ‘potato’?

This was Paul’s first locker without his lucky hat! And he was ambivalent when they opened it up. Inside, they found a few heavy items, like a poker table. And not so heavy items, like a fountain pen.

They also found a nice kite board and the kite to go with it. Bogart said he was not going to be the guinea pig to test it out.1storageunit_CHUTE_SWCAN1-14

Paul: I’ll do it myself, if I never ever have to wear this shirt and tie again.

They took the kite board to a local beach to meet a kite boarding aficionado. He let them know the boy’s used board and kite was worth around $1,000.

Bogart: Surf’s up!

Paul was just happy he got to wear his Hawaiian shirt to the beach.

2storageunit_SWCAN1-142nd Storage Unit

Good stuff: Display tables, soft drink machine, and nice tables.

Roy kept upping the bid. And then… he opened his mouth one too many times.

Pecker gave Roy the closing bid. But Roy said he never put the last bid on it!

After some back n’ forth, Roy accepted the bid, and took over the unit – but he maintained he never bid at $375.

Roy: (under his breath) Pecker head.

But once he got inside the unit, Roy was singing the Pecker’s praises. He found a very nice table, and some candy vending machines… filled with money!2storageunit_vending_SWCAN1-14

Roy: (as quarters drop out of his pockets) I got money coming out of my ass!

Roy took the vending machines to his buddy, who let Roy know the machines were… worthless. Wah–WAAAHHH.

But he did help Roy count up all the change Roy found in the machines: $1,455 in quarters. Jackpot!

3storageunit_SWCAN1-143rd Storage Unit

Eh. Just some tools and not much else of interest. And not very neatly packed. The only one who looked interested was Roy…

Who grabbed at one of the bags in the locker. A BIG ‘no-no’ in this business.

Pecker told Roy to back off and that Roy should know better.

When the bids started, Pecker reprimanded Paul for making chitchat with Bogie while the bidding went on…

Pecker: I should make you pay $100 just for all the noise.

Although Pecker was perturbed by Paul, Ursula landed the locker for $150.

She found a few old toolboxes and a few nice old collectible tools. Which she took to her friend, and veteran iron worker, Merv (who looked like an MMA fighter).

Merv told Ursula she had a ‘spud wrench’ and that it was used to both tighten and align bolts.3storageunit_boxes_SWCAN1-14

He then brought Ursula up to the building frame he ‘d been working on and let her tighten some bolts. Ursula just, uh… wanted to know what the wrenches were worth. And she wanted to get back down to the ground. Quickly.

Merv let her know, all the stuff she brought him was only valued around $160.

Ursula: That’s it! I’ll give you that much to take me back down!

Back at the auction, Rick was pissed he and Cindy  were once again leaving without a locker, but Cindy took it all in stride…

Cindy: No reason to let the Crazies make you crazier.

Meanwhile, Bogart and Paul were still at the beach, doing their best to learn some paddle boarding.

Let’s just say the Kenny family needs to stick to buying lockers and trying not to piss off Pecker at their next purchase.


Roy Dirnbeck: $2,189
Paul Kenny & Bogart Kenny: $750
Ursula Stolf: $145
Rick Coffill & Cindy Hayden: $0

A miscommunication between Roy and Pecker ended with Roy profiting. Ever make money off someone who tried to do something you didn’t want them to?

Please leave your creative comments in the box below.

Storage Wars: Canada: Boys and Their Toys


Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 13: “The Rise of the Liquidator.”

Friends, let me just say: When the stakes get raised, they get RAISED. And when Jeff Schwarz, (also known as The Liquidator), stepped in for regular auctioneer, Don, he promised to give all the usual suspects a lot of bang for their buck.

Wait. Is that a good thing?

The auction was in Ursula’s neck of the woods, so she knew there could be some big money items in those lockers.

Rick and Cindy got a hot tip there were some ripe units to be had. Rick brought a large wad of cash. Cindy wanted to make a big score.

Much to the dismay of Bogart, he and Paul came in a mini-van. Paul wanted a vehicle they could stuff boxes into. Bogart just wished they had something less ‘practical’.

Roy cruised into the facility in his pristine Karmann Ghia. He was in a good mood and ready to set the pace for everyone else.

The gang was surprised to find Don absent and The Liquidator in his place. Where was their trusted auctioneer?

1storageunit_SWCAN1-131st Storage Unit

A nice unit filled with contractor materials. Easy stuff to flip and make money.

Jeff proved to be a much more aggressive auctioneer as he challenged all the bidders to not let the previous bid be the final bid.

Jeff: Come on! You’re not gonna let him take it from you, are you?!

They don’t call him The Liquidator for nothing, kids.

Ursula: This guy is making me dizzy.

After a very fast back n’ forth, Roy got the locker for $2,100.

Whoa. A lot of $$$ for the first unit of the day. But hold on… because it all got much crazier.

There was a little switch-a-roo on who ultimately got this locker, so read on to find out who ended up with it. And why.

2storageunit_SWCAN1-132nd Storage Unit

Okay. Maybe the coolest unit ever: Full sized NASCAR racing simulators.

Which got all the guy’s hearts racing. The ladies were just… confused.

Ursula: What do you even do with this?

All the boys knew this one was gonna bid large money. Rick let Cindy know this was big time loot.

Rick: This is the unit we’ve been waiting for. You don’t see this every day. 

Roy had already spent too much on the previous locker. Now… he needed to partner up with someone.

Roy: Who do I hate the least?

So Roy pulled Bogart aside and told him they should go 50-50 on this one. Since Bogart knew he and his dad didn’t bring enough money, he agreed to Roy’s partnership.

Unbeknownst to Paul.

Then Roy and Cindy went head to head on this. When the bids hit $9,000 people started to sweat.

And in order for Roy to shake Cindy, he needed Bogart to come in strong with a final bid of $9,100…

Bogart: Right here!

Which almost gave Paul a heart attack!

Paul: What??!

Bogart let his dad know he had made a deal with Roy to split the cost and profits.

Paul: You let me know AFTER?!  (sighs) I got a bad feeling about this.

Meanwhile, Jeff was in hysterics he had sold the locker for that much dough.

3storageunitFR_SWCAN1-133rd Storage Unit

Two more NASCAR simulators. With all the missing parts from the previous locker.  The volume just got turned up to 11.

Roy huddled up with Bogart and Paul. They needed these two cars and the parts inside or their previous unit would not be worth what they paid for it.

They agreed to set a limit at 4K.

But Cindy and Rick were going to drive the price up first.

Roy and Bogart got the unit for $4,100. Which oddly, was feeling like a bargain.

But Roy was pissed. The money was high and tempers were higher. And Bogart had to step in between Rick and Roy before they went fisticuffs.

Cindy: Roy is being a cry baby.

And just when Roy, Bogart and Paul thought they were in the clear…

4storageunit_SWCAN1-134 th Storage Unit

The computer raid system for all the simulators was inside this locker. Along with another car body.

Paul: We’re in trouble.

Or as Roy put it…

Roy: Jeez, we are f***d.

Rick and Cindy knew if Roy and his new partners didn’t get this locker, Roy was righter than he knew. And after all the heated words between Rick and Roy… Cindy was looking for a little payback.

Cindy: They need this one and everyone knows it.

Bidding started and Rick actually took the high road and asked Cindy to do the same.  Besides, someone else jumped in and did their work for them.

When it looked like a stranger may walk away with the unit, Paul came in for the trio and grabbed it with a final bid of $5,000.

These boys were so far in, they couldn’t see which way was up.

Roy needed money to help cover the other lockers. He appealed to Ursula. She took pity on him and bought his locker (Storage Unit #1) for what he paid: $2,100.

Check that total, kids: $18,000.  For three lockers.

Cue, The Liquidator… giggling like a 13 year old school girl. While Roy, Paul and Bogart loaded up everything and went on a search for a buyer.

Their first potential offered them $9,000. Paul was a little too eager to accept and Roy put a stop to it before any hands were shook. 4storageunit_SIMULATE_SWCAN1-13

Later, a connection of Paul’s landed the gang in front of the owners of the Barrie Speedway.  After some shrewd negotiating, Paul got them $48,000 for their NASCAR simulators!


They had gambled BIG and had taken the checkered flag.


Ursula dug through Storage Unit #1 (which she bought off Roy) and found a lot of great tools and furniture. And a used toilet.

She promised herself never to buy another contractor’s locker – nor make a deal with Roy. Ever again.1storageunit_CHAINSW_SWCAN1-13

She took a few brand new looking chainsaws to a professional ‘log sculptor’ who said Ursula had about $650 dollars worth of chainsaws. On top of everything else in the unit, she had made a small profit.

Ursula went home happy as a lumberjack, while Rick and Cindy went home with their buy money … and Roy, Bogart and Paul enjoyed a free lap around the NASCAR track in the real thing.


Roy Dirnbeck, Bogart & Paul Kenny: $29,200
Ursula Stolf: $125
Rick Coffill & Cindy Hayden: $0

Roy formed an uneasy alliance with Paul and Bogart. And it turned out well for all three of them. Have you ever had to partner with an enemy in business?

Please leave your creative comments in the box below.

Storage Wars: Canada: Head ‘Em Up, Ride ‘Em In!

cow carB

Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 12: “Big Cow Trouble In Little Ajax.”

Paul and Bogart were in the market for a ‘shopper stopper’ for their store in order to pull customers in off the street. Was this where they’d find it?

Rick was bummed about coming to the city of Ajax. He and Cindy had not had good luck there. Would they continue to bat zero at this particular auction?

Roy wanted to score big so he could go on vacation.  Apparently, he needed a break from the usual suspects. Did he know they probably feel the same way?

Ursula was dressed well (as always) but had to work without a big budget. Would she be able to fake till she made it?

These questions and more looked to be answered as life in the trenches of Canada storage auctions continued as usual.

But then…

Enter Jeff Gardner.  Who pulled up in his ‘Cow Car’.

And that was just his entrance.

Was this crazy dude going to be serious competition for the others… or simply a nuisance?

1storageunitB_SWCA1-121st Storage Unit

Scarce at best: Van seats and some furniture.  No one got too excited.

Paul and Roy seemed ready to make a play though.

Meanwhile, Jeff seemed more interested in chatting up Ursula.

Roy: This guy looking to buy lockers, or get lucky?

Jeff: It’s called multi-tasking, brother.

Cindy: Ahh. Is little Roy jealous? I love that.

And multitasking he was.  Jeff grabbed the locker for $300.

2storageunitB_SWCA1-122nd Storage Unit

A much nicer unit, filled with easy to sell items: Tools, pool table, bikes. This got everyone’s interest.

But guess who shut everyone’s show down with a quick final bid of $1,000?

Look! Up in the sky! It’s a Looney! It’s a Tooney!

No. It’s Cow Man.

Paul: This could be a problem.

This may have been one of the truest things Paul has ever said.

3storageunitB_SWCA1-123rd Storage Unit

A big locker full of household items.  This had everyone ready for action.

Paul felt good this is where they’d find their shopper stopper. There was just one thing- uh, person – standing in their way.

And Roy was even more miffed by Jeff… who continued to flirt with Ursula, (apparently one of Cowman’s many powers) as the day went on.

Roy: This is why I don’t associate with storage people. They’re all nuts.

And when the bidding started, who do you think was runnin’ everyone ragged?

Jeff” be thy name.

Jeff: I can play this game all day long.

But Bogart refused to let the Jeff walk away with him and his dad’s locker, so he came in at the last moment and grabbed it for $850.

Bogart: Take that, Cowboy!

And soon after opening the unit up, Bogart found a tackle box filled with Dungeons & Dragons-type gamer figures worth good money.

They also found they found what looked like a practical special effect used in a horror movie. A very life-like dummy.  This may be the shopper stopper they were looking for.3storageunit_dummy_SWCA1-12

The boys took it to a CPR INstructor who told the boys their CPR practice doll could be worth some $$ if it worked.  Paul breathed life into the dummy’s inflatable ‘lungs’, proving it did still work.

Bogart: Dad really knows his way around inflatable dolls.

The Instructor said the boys could probably get $500 for the practice dummy.

4storageunit_SWCA1-124th Storage Unit

A nice unit. Filled with good furniture and some nice clothes.

Jeff was ready to make a play for this one.

Roy: It’s MY turn to shut this Cowboy down!

But not until Ursula drives the price up on you, buddy. Hm. Were Ursula and Jeff ganging up on Roy?

Regardless, Roy got the locker for $1,200.

And inside, he found a very nice, very LARGE tool box.

Which he could not open.4storageunit_lamps_SWCA1-12

So he took the two old railway lamps he found to a guy named Bob (at the Railway Museum) for some clarity. Of the three lamps Roy found, one was valued at around $1,000!

Roy: (to Bob) You’re the light at the end of my tunnel.

With the way Roy’s day went, hopefully he will catch the Midnight Special to more profitable lockers soon.

5storageunit_SWCA1-125th Storage Unit

A nice couch, nice appliances. And thanks to Bogart, Jeff found out there were some nice items nobody might have noticed.

Jeff: Loose lips sink ships, brother.

Gotta keep that info on the DL, Bogie.

Bogart: This guy is everywhere!

Ursula had been locker starving lately and she really wanted this one. Cindy gave Ursula a little of her own medicine and drove the price up to $700 before dumping it on her.

But inside, Ursula found the furniture was nicer than expected. A really great marble table ended up putting her in the black. She knew she could get at least $1,000 for it.

She also found a great foosball table, which she took to a foosball champ. He let her know the table she found was worth around $400.5storageunit_foos_SWCA1-12

Considering how she felt when Cindy bid her up, Ursula’s day had turned out first rate. And Jeff was nice enough to give Ursula a lift to her vehicle in his Cow Car.

Meanwhile, Rick was bummed he and Cindy went home empty handed.

Cindy reassured him that after all the wanna-bes were out of the game, they would endure.


Ursula Stolf: $975
Paul Kenny & Bogart Kenny:  $920
Roy Dirnbeck: -$25
Cindy Hayden & Rick Coffill: $0

Jeff made quite an entrance in his Cow Car. What was your best head turning entrance?

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Storage Wars: Canada: Who You Gonna Call?

featured pic_SWCA1-9

Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 9: “Taunted, Haunted, and Most Wanted.”

Rick and Cindy decided to let Rick do the bidding this time. Cindy likes it when Rick spices things up.

Roy howled like a wolf. He was ready to hunt his prey. This time it was survival of the fittest.

Paul made Bogart wear a Kahuna shirt as obnoxious as his own. He pronounced them “Team Hawaii”.  Bogart was definitely not feelin’ it.

Ursula brought her equally talkative sister, Sue.  And Roy made his usual gentlemanly introduction to her.

Roy: I hope she (Ursula) told you I like threesomes!

Sue was at a sudden loss for words.

1storageunit_SWCA1-91st Storage Unit

A small unit. Packed with cheap furniture.

Everyone was not excited. Except Ursula.

Her sister, Sue, gave Ursula good advice and told her to just walk away from this one.

Ursula: You’re not the boss of me.

So Ursula picked it up for $150.

Ursula and Sue dug around and found a few items, including a pair of lamps. But nothing really worth the effort. And Sue let Ursula know it. At least 10 times.1storageunit_LAMPS-SWCA1-9

Ursula: The only way to shut Sue up is to make some money off these lamps.

Ursula took the lamps to an antique dealer who let her know one of them was a mid century modern that could fetch upwards of $300 dollars.

Which shut Sue up. Which made Ursula happy.

2storageunit-SWCA1-92nd Storage Unit

A mystery locker. With a serious lock on it. Once they got it opened, nothing could be seen except a few boxes and a label maker.

Rick surmised that mystery lockers are high risk, but can bring a high return. So did Roy.

What followed was maybe one of the most fast and furious bids of the season. It ended with Roy sniping the locker for $285

Roy was quite pleased with himself. Even though he didn’t know what was in it.

Inside, he found a laptop. And a lot of mail. And pre-paid credit cards. And blank checks.

With different people’s names on them.

Did we mention the credit card printing machine? As in a machine that PRINTS credit cards?2storageunit_CCMACHINE-SWCA1-9

Roy: uh-oh.

And the hits just kept on coming. False passports, driver’s licenses, fake health cards, social security cards, etc.

No wonder that lock was so hard to cut. Was this Jason Bourne’s storage unit?

Roy: This is uncharted territory. I gotta figure out what to do with this.

Roy did the right thing and turned everything over to the cops. They said they’d let Roy know if he could get some of the non-illegal items back, once they had finished processing everything.

3storageunit_SWCA1-93rd Storage Unit

Odds and ends. A fridge, boxes, and a couple tires. And tools.

Paul and Bogart really wanted it. Rick knew it. So he bid them up to $220 before dumping it on them.

Cindy: Suckers.

Inside, the boys found a box of odd items, including two electronic gadgets, which Paul believed were used to find ghosts.

They both set out into the night where they met up with Kim and Kim. (Yes, they have the same name).

Kim told them they had found a K2 Meter. Ghosts are ‘electrical’ apparently. So when you’re near non-electrical equipment and it spikes, you’re near a ghost.

She said it was worth around $60… if it worked.

The other Kim told them the other gadget was a Spirit Box (used to actually SPEAK to ghosts) and they could get about $80 for it… if it worked.3storageunit_METER-SWCA1-9

Much to the dismay of Paul and Bogart (who got a demonstration and the fright of their lives), both gadgets worked.

Paul & Bogart: (*Insert random high-pitched screams here).


Ursula & Sue Stolf: $375
Paul & Bogart Kenny:  $130
Roy Dirnbeck:  – $285
Cindy Hayden & Rick Coffill: $0

Roy could have sold the legal items he found and made some money. Instead, he turned it all in and lost his money. Have you ever done the right thing even though it cost you?

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Storage Wars: Canada: The Rise of Bogart


Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 11: “The Thrilla in Clairevilla.”

Okay. There were a few unprecedented underhanded maneuvers pulled off by the people you wouldn’t expect. So please pay attention.

This got crazy.

Bogart had apparently cleaned up in a poker game the night previous. Paul asked if Bogart felt lucky about the day’s auction. He challenged Bogart to a ‘locker-off’. The loser of which would have to handle all the advertising for their store opening. Not – fun.  Bogart accepted the challenge.

And it was ON.

Cindy and Rick were feeling the hand of Lady Luck as well. A fortuneteller recently told them they’d be unstoppable on their next auction venture.

Roy wanted one of those fat commercial units this auction promised. But if his day didn’t go well, rest assured he would make everyone else’s go badly too.

Lately, Ursula’s online business had seen a lot of luck also. Her biggest sellers had been appliances. She kept her eyes opened for some sweet toasters and blenders.

1storageunit_SWCA1-111st Storage Unit

Lots of clean, organized furniture… and a very nice mystery designer bag.

Everyone’s interest was piqued.  Especially Cindy’s. She liked that bag. If it was the real deal, it was worth $$$$.

But Paul and Bogart were focused on their locker-off.  So much so, everyone around them was in danger of getting hit with shrapnel.

Paul: I’m gonna win this bet. But not by over-paying.

Bogart: We’ll go head – to – head!

Like father, like son.  Bogart and Paul raised the price, but both dropped out when the bid hit $500.

Which let Rick and Cindy grab it from them.

Rick: Our fortuneteller did say we’d be unstoppable today.

What was found inside the locker?  Read on.  Because like we said: Today was topsy–turvy.

2storageunitB_SWCA1-112nd Storage Unit

More household items, a couple of nice lamps… and a guitar.  Hm.

Roy and Bogart looked interested. But it was Ursula who grabbed it for $375.

She slipped away and  pulled everything out. She found another , much nicer electric guitar. But was it worth serious do-re-mi?  She needed to find out. So Ursula took it to a specialist.2storageunit_GUITAR_SWCA1-11

He told her if it was an original 1959 Les Paul it could be worth $150,000!

Unfortunately, the 1959 replica she had found was only worth around $250.

Ursula: I guess that’s why they call it the blues.

Better luck next time, Ursula. Keep working those fingers and you’ll make it some day.

3storageunit_SWCA1-113rd Storage Unit

This baby was stuffed to the rafters with furniture.

Roy looked at it with hungry eyes, while neither Paul nor Bogart seemed to be feeling it.

But time was running out for them in their locker off.

So Roy and Bogart went at it. And when Bogart dropped out, a new bidder drove the price up further. And finally, when it looked like it was going to be Roy’s…

Paul jumped in and grabbed the locker for $1,100!

Bogart: What the heck just happened?!

Bogart knew at this point, he would lose no matter what.

Paul: Read ‘em and weep, kid. It’s the second mouse that gets the cheese.

But Bogart had one last ace up his sleeve.

And it was a doozy.

He offered Rick and Cindy $650 for Storage Unit #1 ($150 more than what they paid). And he would let them keep the designer bag from the locker Cindy wanted.

A flip of the coin raised the buying price to $675…  but the locker was Bogart’s.

Bogart was nice enough to help his old man unload his unit. (And in order to keep a record of its value).

Inside, were a few decent items.  But it looked like Paul was upside down on this one.

1storageunitB_SWCA1-11So they went to look through Bogart’s newly acquired unit. (Storage Unit #1) and found a very cool toy train set.

And you remember that bag Bogart promised Rick and Cindy?   Well, Bogart promised them the bag… but not what was INSIDE the bag.1storageunit_BAG_SWCA1-11

And what was inside?

Just cash, gold and designer clothing.

Holy shnikees!  Bogart had hit the mother load. He and Paul stuffed the worthless knockoff bag with other worthless items from the locker. Then handed it over to Rick and Cindy. Who then left with the worthless knock off bag filled with worthless items.

Paul and Bogart grabbed their dough, gold, and train set and got the hell out of Dodge.

They visited a toy expert, (who shared the same fashion sense as Paul), who let them know the train set was worth around $600.


Bogart had won the bet big time… so it was now his dad’s turn to do the store’s advertising.

Which consisted of dressing in a gorilla suit and dancing on the street corner.

In a weird way, it made Bogart’s cutthroat approach to winning this bet more understandable.


Bogart Kenny:  $1,170
Paul Kenny: -$125
Ursula Stolf: $190
Cindy Hayden & Rick Coffill: $175
Roy Dirnbeck: $0

Bogart fudged the details of his transaction with Rick and Cindy a little bit. What would you have done if all that gold and cash was staring you in the face?

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Storage Wars: Canada: Never Go ‘Full Mullet’!


Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 7: “Wanna Smell My Hair?”

Roy may not have been himself last episode, but this time, he completely morphed into something else entirely: Fake hair, false teeth, and sunglasses?

Meet ‘Cousin Ray’. This got weird.

Paul felt the auction location (Scarborough) was fairly foolproof, so he put Bogart in charge. He hoped Bogie wouldn’t crash and burn.

Cindy confessed she loved the big units. Rick understood this was why she loved him. They both were ready to make some money this go around.

Ursula showed up in her husband’s vintage Corvette on the prowl for some high-end items. Paul was more than a little envious of the car.

Everyone was thrown by Cousin Ray. Would Roy’s ‘Confuse and Disrupt’ plan actually work?

1storageunit-SWCA1-71st Storage Unit

Household items. Nice but nothing mind blowing.

Roy and Bogart seemed to be the only interested parties. They went head to head with Bogart grabbing it for $1,100!  Whoa. Paul looked deeply concerned.

Roy: Not even Ray is crazy enough to spend that much on this locker.

Paul told Bogart they should go check out their purchase pronto. They dug around to find a beekeeper’s outfit and  utensils.

Paul: This outfit could be the difference between us winning or getting stung.

They took the outfit and tools to Paul’s friend, Melanie. Who apparently may have been stung one too many times in the head herself. She let them know the starter beekeeper kit was worth about $300.1storageunit-BEEKEEPC-SWCA1-7

She then invited Paul and Bogart to wear a ‘bee beard’, which is a beard of bees. Yes, a beard of bees. Maybe there was something in the water this week?

Paul and Bogart ran off (literally), when Melanie’s back was turned. She yelled after them they had forgotten their starter kit!

Paul: (yelling back) Keep it!!

2storageunit-SWCA1-72nd Storage Unit

More household items. But even less interesting. And lots of baby stuff. No one was blown away.

Except Roy. He went into ‘full Ray mode”.  And people were scared. Or is that confused? Regardless, he grabbed the unit for $450.

Roy/Ray: Yee-haw! I nailed it!

Rick: Yeah, you totally nailed that locker full of junk.

Meanwhile, Roy was having an identity crisis and went to see what kind of trouble Ray had gotten him into. (Yes, he’s talking about himself. Confused yet?)

Roy: Ray is not the brightest guy sometimes.

But Ray didn’t completely mess up. Roy realized quickly he had enough stuff to break even. Once he dug in, he found a strange musical instrument that had potential.

Roy: This better be worth something, or Ray is gonna get it.

The musical instrument ended up being a Theremin, one of the first electronic musical devices. Roy’s musician friend told him a Theremin does not depreciate in value, and Roy could get about $400 for it.2storageunit-THEREMIN-SWCA1-7

Not quite the profit Roy hoped for, but at least Ray didn’t put Roy in the red.

3storageunitD-SWCA1-73rd Storage Unit

Packed to the gills. Mystery boxes, a couple of bronze statues, and a few nice furniture pieces. This looked good, but was tough to dissect exactly what was in it.

Roy smelled money.  So did Rick and Cindy.

Cindy ended up nabbing it from crazy ‘Cousin Ray’ for $950

Rick and Cindy packed up their truck and took everything to their store to look through. Once they unloaded, the money racked up quickly.  Vases, silver pieces, and hair salon items put them waaaaay into the black.3storageunit-STUFF-SWCA1-7

Rick: THIS… was a major score.

While Rick and Cindy counted their money, Ursula went home emptied handed.

Ursula: But at least I’m going in style.

She jumped into her hubby’s Corvette and drove off into the sunset.

And apparently, Roy left Cousin Ray in the storage unit to be brought out at a future date.


Cindy Hayden & Rick Coffill: $4,875
Roy Dirnbeck: $620
Paul & Bogart Kenny:  $25
Ursula Stolf: $0

Roy used a disguise to confuse the competition. Have you ever disguised yourself for any secret operation you needed to carry out?

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Storage Wars: Canada: The Hot and The Weird


Storage Wars: Canada: Season 1, Episode 10: “Crazy From The Heat.”

The heat wave was in full effect. So much so, it was affecting people’s thinking.

Cindy brought her hand fan. She knew the heat made people a little crazy, so she planned to stay cool. Rick thought it might be a good strategy for them to bid some people up, and really get people agitated.

Roy brought his lucky flashlight. He’d gotten a few bad lockers and needed a good one this time out.

Paul and Bogart were already sweaty from putting up their store sign. They didn’t have much money to bid with, so they had to bid smart.  Bogart let it be known: He was NOT lifting anything in this heat.

Ursula also needed a big win, but today the weather was not on her side.

1storageunit-SWCAN1-101st Storage Unit

A small unit. A leather couch, microwave, vacuum… and one very big, heavy TV.

Everyone seemed to be taking a pass on this one. But Paul looked interested…

Paul: If it goes cheap enoug-

Bogart: Don’t even think about it!!

And Paul grabbed it for the low and very LONELY bid of $10.

Bogart: Nooooooo!!

Once they opened it back up, Paul realized just how big the TV actually was.  Bogart knew exactly how big that TV was. And how much it would hurt his back.

Bogart found a small box filled with odd-looking utensils. Paul declared they’d just made all their money back from these things. Although neither of them knew what they were.1storageunit-FORKS-SWCAN1-10

They took them to a medical antiques dealer named Nancy. She said they had found medical tuning forks, (for an Audiologist) used to test people’s hearing.

And then Nancy showed the boys some REALLY unique items of her own.

An old metal device placed in the penis, which shot Mercury up inside to treat STDs and syphilis; Some old condoms made from sheep intestine (reusable); And an enema pump from 1885.

Bogart: Can we… maybe… get  back … to the uh, tuning… uh, forks?

Nancy let them know they could get around $200 for their tuning forks. Not bad for a $10 investment. Paul showed Bogie the old man still got it.

2storageunit-SWCAN1-102nd Storage Unit

A larger unit: old cabinets, and a couple of electronic items. It was questionable at best.

Ursula and Roy looked interested. Rick and Cindy were going to pass.

But that didn’t mean they wouldn’t bid these other guys up.

Before the bid started, Roy offered Ursula some pink ladies g-string panties he had found in the storage facility earlier in the day.

Ursula: Roy, we all know they’re yours.

And so Roy put them on.

Ursula: The heat is crazy today, but Roy is insane.

Cindy pushed the bidding up, but it was Roy who walked away with the locker for $350

Cindy: That should get his panties in a bunch.

Roy tossed his panties at Cindy, which didn’t sit well with Rick. The Rickinator does not play that way. Not in this heat.

Inside the unit, Roy found nothin’ but garbage. And it was his job to clean it all up.

Roy: Why today, of all days, do I have to get a worthless locker?!

Roy did find what looked like a radiation detector. He was hoped it might be worth something.2storageunit-Geiger-SWCAN1-10

Roy took the Geiger counter to the Nuclear Research Department of McMaster University. There, a radiation specialist told him his counter was, at best, worth $100.

Roy: I feel a meltdown coming on.

The heat had beaten up on everyone as they moved to the last locker of the day.

3storageunit-SWCAN1-103rd Storage Unit

Eh. A washer and dryer… and too many mattresses.

Everyone looked like they were going to take a pass on this one, including Rick and Cindy… especially since the bid opened up around $200!

But then Cindy waved her little hand fan to cool herself… and …

Don (Auctioneer): Sold! For $200!!

Cindy was horrified. Rick was confused. And Ursula and Roy were in hysterics.

Cindy: I can’t believe I made a rookie mistake like that.  F–k this fan!

But as Cindy and Rick dug into their accidental purchase, they began to add up what was inside. Maybe Cindy’s mistake would pay off after all?

And a box of nice pottery jugs could be the cherry on Cindy’s boo-boo.3storageunit-JUGS-SWCAN1-10

They took the pottery to specialists who let them know they could get $600 for one of the pieces.

Cindy: I told you my jugs were worth money.

Ursula left without a locker but that was okay with her. She was just happy to get out of the heat.


Cindy Hayden & Rick Coffill: $1,050
Paul & Bogart Kenny:  $220
Roy Dirnbeck:  – $250
Ursula Stolf: $0

Cindy screwed up, but it ultimately paid off. Have you ever done something stupid which ended up paying off?

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